I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
