You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
