i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.