White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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