i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's always time for handjobs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
