Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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