hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
