The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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