I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
