imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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