somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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