You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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