Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
