There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
