I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
