I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
