My first STD was from a foam party
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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