So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
