I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
