My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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