No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
