my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
