Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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