i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
