Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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