I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
