Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
