Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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