dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
not ubering you a puppy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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