ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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