Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
