I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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