i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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