There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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