If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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