Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
