either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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