i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize