I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
