i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
