the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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