You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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