Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
