yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
