"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
