You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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