She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
