I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
