just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
