just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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