I love having hate sex.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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