She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
