The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
