I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
