dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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