One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
