Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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