Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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