It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
