i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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