Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
