how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
