so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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