im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
