i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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