My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
