You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
